The Job

I've been a massage therapist for almost seven years now. I currently work for a busy doctor's office and, in the middle of an economic recession, I am happy to have it. But there are times, many times, when I am tired of what I do for a living. Constantly dealing with people's physical and emotional problems and demanding upper management does take a toll on me. A weary body can be dealt with but a weary spirit is something else. It does help that I know that I'm good at what I do. It does take some of the sting out of it but there's no real challenge to it. I get bored easily and I hate being bored. And yet, there are so many worse ways to make money than my job. I should know, I've worked most of them. One of the main problems with my job is the simple fact that so many patients I meet over the course of a day are just so demanding and act so childish. There's very little gratitude for the service I and my coworkers provide them and that's very discouraging. We work extremely hard every day and get nothing but complaints and negativity for it. It's why therapists burn out. Overwork and dealing with difficult patients will take its toll until you develop compassion fatigue. I have no idea if I really have that but I did read a description of it and it does describe me quite accurately. I've developed ways of coping with the stress and general disappointment I feel with my career but there are times when it gets to me. I believe that I was meant to do a lot more with my life than what I've done. And I have accomplished a lot that I am very proud of but there are times when I get tired of everything. I sometimes feel that I'm not really living, I'm just marking time waiting for something to happen. I hate that feeling. I tend to make things happen for myself because if I don't, then who will? Faith in Jehovah gets me through the day with something of a positive attitude but these feelings bubble up inside me from time to time. Who likes feeling unappreciated? It's something I'm forced to deal with on a daily basis. I can't allow myself to believe that this is simply a test to see what I'm going to do. There has to be a reason for it. I just want to follow what the writer Richard Wright said long ago: "I don't want my life to be meaningless. I want it to count for something. It has to be worthwhile." I want to look back at my life on my deathbed and know that I made some kind of positive mark. That I had some value.