Reflections on a Dream Denied

I wanted to take this opportunity to write about something we all have in common: dreams that, for one reason or another, are denied to us. Maybe it's a job that we feel we are perfect for. Maybe, plans that you have for yourself are broken. Life never goes the way you want it to. It's a lesson that everyone learns. Right now, it's being taught to me. Repeatedly.
What got me to write this? This is me venting for the last few years of my life. I could go into detail but I'm really focused now on one thing that's been denied me. Or I should say someone I've been denied. Sorry, no names. I'm crazy not stupid. Let me just say it's someone I've known for a while. I have to admit, I thought that there could really be something great between us but I was wrong.
I have no one to blame but myself for why nothing ever happened. It's one of my worst qualities but I am not ambitious. Women want to know that the man in their life has at least the potential to, if not be somebody, at least be able to provide for them or to pull their own weight.I'm almost 25 and I'm currently unable to do that. And it pains me to admit that but it's the truth. And I've never been ashamed of telling the truth.
I've said before that I'm well aware of of my flaws and lack of ambition is one of them. Another is my shyness around women. Whenever I get around someone I'm attracted to, I either get really talkative and can't shut up or I forget how to talk. In her case, I forgot how to talk. Whenever I saw her, I would overthink my approach and blow it. When it comes to women, I'm too shy for my own good.
I think that, overall, my greatest problem is that I don't have any faith in myself. I find it impossible to believe that any woman would find me attractive. I know I'm not ugly. I'm a reasonably handsome guy. I'm a little overweight but who isn't? I'm not physically strong. I can do whatever I have to but I don't have a six-pack. I have a keg. I spent my teen years developing my mind more than my body. In the process, I kind of forgot how to relate to people. I spent too much time in my head and continue to do so.
I know that, unless some kind of miracle happens, I'm not going to get her. And that knowledge stings. But I'm living with it. I think it was Hemingway who said that if you're worth anything at all, then anything that happens to you, good or bad is your own damn fault. And the reason why she's not in my life is no one's fault but my own. I let my demons get in the way. How could I expect her to confide in me, to trust me, if I can't even place faith in myself?
She's always going to be one of those question marks I'm going to carry with me. But for my own sake I have to move on. If nothing else, this experience has taught me to be more expressive of my feelings. To try not to overthink things. And to get my own act together. not that I haven't been trying to but I just can't seem to get ahead no matter what I do. I'm not going to stop trying. It's just discouraging that I can't seem to climb the ladder of success.
This whole thing has taught me that you can't sit back and wait for things to happen. You have to go out and make things happen for you. If you want something or someone special, go get it. It's a lesson learned too late for me. I believe she's in a serious relationship. Now all I'm left with are my reflections on a dream denied.